Zaya's own letter (translated)

To born as a human being is harder than to put a single rice grain on the pick of a needle. Same as that, luckily I was born as a youngest daughter to my parents and a younger sister to my sister.

I love my life and I love living, I hate illness as much as I love life. I wish no one the pain I am feeling and illness that had encountered me.

When I am awake I wish, when I am asleep, I dream that I became healthy and a normal person, again.

My name is Zaya and I am 20 years old. Since I was 16 years old, I have been diagnosed by rheumatoid arthritis. I have taken every possible medicine and attended to every possible hospital, but at the end the illness didn’t go but confined me to bed. I was trying hard, taking all the medications without skipping a single time, but for 4 years I am still battling with illness, nobody knows why it started.

I never expected that I will be ill this long. Since the day my middle finger got swollen I never was far away from hospitals. Every single day this disease was and is getting worse, eventually attacking all the fingers, then elbows, shoulders, then all the joins. And now it hurts even when I laugh.

When my friends and classmates from high school were entering their universities, studying, running and laughing happily, here I am in my bed. Not doing anything apart from lying, feeling pain and crying. I really do regret about my condition and the trouble I cause to my family.

After graduating high school in 2005, I was dreaming to study at a university, graduate it, work helping my parents and become a model citizen to contribute to the development of my country. With all these thoughts and dreams when I got sick I believed that I will recover and one day walk with confidence in my future and a smile in my face.

But, when my classmates were taking the university entrance examination, I was in a hospital watching the ceiling, wishing to be there. Since that time until now, I have spent every day in bed sharing my tears only with my blanket and my pillow.

Every night before going to sleep I wish to have a whole night sleep without pain, but this wish has no success. I cry all nights in a secret.

My family feels desperate not being able to help me or share my pain. I can see in their faces that they smile when they look at me, but when they turn around, they cry. Of course, it is painful to see how the girl, who has been a sun in their lives, can not even drink, holding a cup by herself. Can you imagine how hard it is for me to see their hearts crying silently?

Well, last year my parents sold our 2 room apartment - my grandfather’s life work, and started to save some money for my treatment outside of Mongolia. The 16 million Mongolian tugrigs (12,000$), price for our only capital, was not enough to go abroad for my treatment. Thus, the parents decided to put them in “Tugs Erdene” Savings and Credit Cooperation ending up with nothing. On May 5 2006 the Cooperation had gone bankrupt. Now, we have nothing, no money, no apartment but only financial problems.

My parents are blaming themselves for trusting the Savings and Credit Cooperation and to being able to do anything to help their little girl who is suffering and crying by their side.

Any illness comes without invitation and doesn’t wait for time. What shall I believe to? My condition is worsening day by day and my patience is narrowing. Healthy people might not imagine how hard it is to even to talk and smile when any of actions brings me more pain.

Television programs in Ulaanbaatar like “Stranger” of 25^th TV, “Dreams come true” of USB TV had broadcasted about me, newspapers like “Today”, “Ardin Erkh” and “Odoo tsag” has publicized articles about me. We have addressed Mr. Ts.Munkh-Orgil – Minister of Legal Affairs, L.Gundalai, former Minister of Health, Rotary Foundation in Mongolia and every other possible organization yet without clear response.

This kind of a poor and ill girl is asking for your help, which means to give me a future, a hope to live. I want to live and walk just like other people at least one day. My living days are getting limited. Please help me to get healthy, again.

One hospital in South Korea offered me to do analysis and diagnosis of my disease. My parents, who are going to look after me there, also need a round trip financing but they have spent all they have got in my daily treatments which are very expensive.

I am asking and sending you my last hope and dream to walk again with this letter. Even though, I am ill on bedrest, my desire to live and get healthy is getting stronger day by day. Please send your helping hand to me.

Sincerely yours,

Zaya

Translated by Misty